July 14, 2009

Short Lived Sanity

Yesterday at my Acupuncture appointment, my acupuncturist had to ask me what my plans were if this IVF didn’t work. I had no answer! I didn’t want think about it – I just wanted to cry. I have tried not to think of it! She was nice enough to say that ‘okay fine, let’s not talk about this right now’. We still have 1 more IVF on our insurance… so that is what I should have told her right away, but I just didn’t want to think about IVF # 2. Anyways, we ended up discussing a few things, and I mentioned that I might take a few months off and was open to considering herbal treatment during that break. So she described what she would recommend me. Normally I nap through my sessions, this time I started thinking about how I might have a baby (in me) or I might be completely hopeless by the beginning of the next year, having exhausted most of our options!

Anyhow, that was the beginning of the end of my “calm and in control” self. I was okay yesterday evening and most part of today! But right now, I just want to cry! Cry because everything is so uncertain, everyone around me is popping kids and I don’t know what my future holds. May be its just me or it is the Follistim+Lupron combo I started yesterday. I probably still have around 10 days of stims to go through (assuming everything goes well)… I don’t know how much I am going to hold up through these next couple of weeks.

About the stims... 300 IU of Follistim hurts (unlike less than 150 IU for IUI)! I could feel it go in... and had to take a few second breaks in between. Kind of had a burning sensation for a while after the injection! Oh and BTW, I probably haven't mentioned, but starting (mid) last week, my DH started giving me the injections and he is freakin awesome! Most of the times, I don't even feel the needle go in or the juice being injected (of course besides yesterdays Follistim). Makes me feel a little better about the PIO injections!

8 comments:

  1. Hi - I am just starting IVF #1 too so I follow your blog everday! Best wishes that all goes well & you end up with a healthy baby! :)

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  2. I have been having similar mood swings out of nowhere since starting the stims. Must be the drug combo! I felt fine during the lupron, except for aching bones, and now I've traded that for emotional instability. Erg. Hang in there! We're a few days apart on our schedules, so we can trade symptoms and stories as we go!

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  3. JB: Not sure if you will see this reply... but your profile/blog is blocked, I can not reply back to you... can you let me through?

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  4. Didn't realize...now unblocked!

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  5. You're right- it's so hard to look ahead and plan for a next cycle when you're completely immersed in the current one. No one should force you to consider that possibility if you don't want to. You should be left alone to focus on NOW. I hope your acupuncturist didn't press you to make those plans just yet. I just told anyone who asked that I wasn't "going there" until I had to. It usually worked.

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  6. Thanks for your post! I appreciate the support. I had my u/s and b/w today, and I'll find out this afternoon if I can start stimming tomorrow. Wishing you lots of luck! Looking forward to following your progress!

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  7. I had the same feelings during my cycle. WHAT IF? was a big question. Even though I wanted to stay present, it did help me feel more in control to know what the "back up" plan was. You are not alone there!

    Thanks for the comment on my blog- you guys make bed rest WAY better!

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  8. Hmmm... you are right Carrie about the back up plan... though after reading your comment, I just realized how much of a planner I normally am and this time I just dont want to plan for the other options! I guess time will tell! Thanks for your support!

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