Numbness

As much as I want to think I am "P"... I just don't wanna think about it! I dont want to build up my hopes to come crashing down to reality (in a weeks time)! I am too scared! :( I am trying to eat well, hydrate well and sleep well... trying not to loose it... but at the same time, I am not trying to dream about the Baby to be! During the past several months I have looked at babies and cooed; I have looked at the baby section in stores and wanted to pass by and dream; I have looked at kids playing outside and hoped that those would be my babies playmates... but today... I look at all this and I am numb! I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that my grandma is supposed to be visiting - she is here... so I am spending time with her and trying not to think of IF!