After debating whether I should go to my old OBGYN (I am looking at changing my OBGYN... for details see this post). I caved in and just decided to get it done with – that is my pap and the yearly visit! And so, I just got done with it this morning. I am sorry, I have been in a super bitchy mood over the last 3 days and this post is not going to be very jolly!
My visit started off with almost getting hit by a couple of cars in my rear. Reason - This dumb (probably preggo) women not knowing how to back up a freakin huge SUV from the small parking lot. I was held up in the middle of a very busy 4 lane road because of her and was praying that I didn’t have to deal with some car bumping in to me since I was unexpectedly (completely) stopped in the middle of the road.
After parking the car I marched in hoping not to see any bellies. Fortunately, there were only 2 MEN there. One was snoring away to glory and the other was waiting to speak with the receptionist. The women I could hear inside was supposedly 40+ and excited about how she weighed less today than when she was a teenager! I was very happy for her (cause I didn’t have to deal with hearing some preggo lady). This doctor’s office is completely covered with pictures of babies he has delivered and the happy families he has created. He has tons of albums of these folks as well. For the last 3 years I have enjoyed looking at them and dreaming! Today, I was too busy playing a game on my phone, I didn’t want to look up!
Finally I got called in. I didn’t want to get weighed. I know what my weight is, but I hate to be reminded of how I have yo-yo’ed with all these medication. Next came the pee cup. I didn’t need another reminder that I was not pregnant a year after my last visit (which consisted of a beta test, cause I was sure I was preggers and the darn pee stick didn’t want to recognize it… fun-fun)! The nurse also had to ask me and reconfirm that I was there for just an annual checkup! So finally I went in to the examination room... was hoping that the doctor would arrive right away so I could get out of this place. The doctor came and asked me “What’s new?”… my answer: “Nothing and everything”. That is I am not pregnant right now… I have had 3 IUI’s so far, the last one resulted in to a chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks and I am currently on an IVF cycle! As he was doing his deeds, he started telling me stories of how some of his other patients have been directed towards an IVF and turned out pregnant right before the IVF cycle. I didn’t want to hear stories (I had started tearing up already) and I wanted to get out of there ASAP! I had to tell him that unless my chemical pregnancy has made this miraculous change to my “system”, I am probably not ovulating (on my own)… and also I am on BCP… so it’s highly unlikely. He is a very sweet old guy and I know he was trying to help me… but I was in no mood to be given false hopes. On top of it as I said, my goal was to see no pregnant bellies, and no baby and happy family pictures… so that meant I had to get out of their as quickly as I possibly could. I would say I was pretty successful, I just saw one (not so pregnant) belly in the passing. Was such a relief to get out of there!
May be I just made a big deal out of it! Though, I did reconfirm myself that I am very happy to see other slightly pregnant bellies at my RE, because that’s a positive reinforcement that it can happen… and I know those ladies have struggled… and they deserve it! It’s sad that I have developed this phobia for non-IF pregnant bellies… I hope this anxiety easies (I know it will never completely disappear) as I move along in life (hopefully with a kid or two). I am glad I don’t have to deal with this kind of a visit for another year… I will know my pap went well (hopefully) and I can go on with my IVF!