March 18, 2011


I have been MIA for almost a month now. There have been several posts which have initiated in my head but never quite made it to the blog! Half of it is because I am trying to relish these moments - before my babies turn 1 year old! And half of it is because I have been super busy with birthday preparation and running errands (big time) since my father and mother are both in town with us to celebrate the birthday!

I have this urge to jot down the rambling of how my life has been affected and changed by motherhood. Looking back a year, I have realized how much I have cherished and enjoyed this change in my life. Motherhood has been a package deal - from IF to a rough pregnancy to a super speedy 1 year. This post is more about the last one year!

I am proud of myself that I provided for my babies for almost 9.5 months! Breastfeeding did not completely go as I would have liked it too... but looking back, I am probably not as disappointed since I initially even doubted my capability to produce milk (due to PCOS)... This chapter of my life makes me the most content, in spite of some of the ups and downs. At the same time, I am glad that I closed this chapter on my own terms instead of having to be forced to do it. The babes are eating "relatively" well and we are on our way to transition them to while milk (more on that later).

I have realized how much I "dislike" shopping! In pre-motherhood terms, I could be called a shopoholic... I reaped the pleasure in even shopping for other people. It actually is a better retail therapy, cause you get to look around and choose stuff even without shelling out $. Now, most of my shopping is online! Mostly AMAZON! All the baby stuff is so cute, but I am so exhausted by looking for stuff which at least kind of coordinates for a baby boy and girl! No, I don't try to completely match outfits, but there has to be some similarity (color shades, casual versus formal etc) I end up buying more than I intend to, because by the end of it I am not sure what is going to work where. Never the less, I love to see those cute little outfits on my babies!

We have this HUGE party planned for the birthday! It's our babies' first birthday! And we get to choose what we want to do! :) I love organizing and planning parties! It is going to be the other way round later on, so I want to get the pleasure of planning this party to the best'est! ;) The balloons have been ordered, favors are ready, 2-tier jungle theme cake has been ordered, all the decoration has been gathered... I just need to get all the nick-knacks together so that I am not running around on the day of the birthday! Daddy dearest has been providing his input, but majority of the stuff has been pulled together by me... and that is just giving the party planner in me a boost of its own! I don't have to deal with any body elses opinions... yes I am a control freak! ;)

That brings me to the control freak aspect! That was me before motherhood... I had to have things planned and organized and executed well! But, with two young kids who have a mind of their own! I have a general plan of the day, but 75% of the plans are fluid. I am not as bothered as I used to be before if things don't happen according to the "plan". I am just happy to see my babies enjoying their day in whatever shape or form it is. It's all about them. HOWEVER, I have a way of doing "things" at home... to keep things easy on us when we have to step out, when we have to feed, or for when we need to have some back up options, and if some one messes with those (things), I seem to be getting quite ticked off with that (poor DH bears the brunt).

Our social life is still almost close to zero! Most of our friends still don't have kids, so we just don't seem to fit in to their social group any more (especially) with our nap and early night time routines (we have tried to stick to a schedule). In my previous life, I would have been so upset and disappointed about not being able to chill out with our group of friends, but today it just doesn't bother me as much. I am trying to attend some play groups and mom-only groups to meet and connect with folks who fall in the same category as us.

Sigh! I still don't have my AF! It is little over two months since I last pumped and I am still waiting. I placed a call with my OB yesterday, and he is supposed to be calling me back some time soon. I guess I am no longer as big a priority (as I was with a high risk twin PG), since he didn't call back today! :P I don't miss my AF, but hormonally that just doesn't seem right... so something needs to be done! There are quite a few BFP's after first IVF PG floating around, but I really don't think I have ovulated at all - so I am pretty confident I can't be one of them!

Last year, today... I finally got the call from my OB finalizing my c-section at 37w1d! Phew - I was so anxious to get the schedule finalized that day! I can't believe it is a year already!

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