April 5, 2012

Soul Searching

The other day I went grocery shopping, alone... since my Mom was home with the kids! After I checked out, there was a really old man walking inch by inch... holding up a huge row of people behind him at the narrow exit of the grocery store. It took everybody a long time to get out of there. I wanted to help, but I was way behind him, and momentarily felt rushed as well... because it was nearing kids lunch time. The old man finally stepped out of the grocery store, and everybody rushed out after him. I rushed to my car, quickly drove to the bank ATM, and then zoomed by. The old man, was still inching towards his car. One man offered to help, but the old man either denied or probably gave a convincing reason for the guy to not help him!

I felt very guilty! I should have offered to help him! I was not juggling my twins!

Besides the guilt of not helping, because I was so preoccupied with things to do, it just hit me that one day I might (will) be in that stage. It will be nice to have family around to help me out, but who knows what situation they/I will be in and will there really be some one to look out for me?

It was easy to go in to the self pity mode when we were struggling with fertility, it is easy to be disappointed now with some one when they don't behave the way you expect them to, or be annoyed when some one plays politics with you. But when you are at that age... when every moment of your life is a struggle... who do you blame? Would you expect empathy from the person across from you?

It just humbled me. Life is not easy, and no matter how blessed I feel, I do get flustered and worked up with the terrible twos. Its a phase, and I will miss that too. In general I am stressed with things that are going on around me, but where does all this fall in my life when I actually look back at it may be 30 years from now?

No comments:

Post a Comment