Every time I think of breastfeeding, I just want to cry! I started this post some 10 days ago... and am finally getting to finish it!
The babes are 4+ months old and they are still on EBM! Which is great... but long gone are the days when I could say our actual breastfeeding days are numbered, I already feel like it is over (and now while finishing this post 10 days later... they are OVER)! And I just want to cry!
I know I have been fortunate enough to not have supply issues (till now) and have been able to provide for them. But I just feel like a failure when it comes to bf'ing. Taking care of twins is not easy, though I have been lucky to have some help at home... my parents helped us for the first 2.5 months... and then the in-laws "helped"... I might sound like a bitch and very ungrateful, but the later part of the help was more mentally stressful! With the "stress", the time I got to put the babes to my bo.obs was very less, and of course the babies lost their capability to suckle very well (I don't think they had latching issues later on)! Plus the reflux didn't help, my let down is very "heavy" (probably because of power pumping due to lack of time) and the babies at time would have to be burped even 2-3 time in 5 minutes when bf'ing. So... it is over, it is over for good... I will never ever experience babies sucking on my bo.obs... ever! And that just makes me so sad and bitter. Had it been in my control or had the babies decided they were done with it, I wouldn't have felt as bad. But, this was not my decision, nor the babies... and I am mad at the situation. May be I am just a slacker and am finding excuses... and am just blabbering! I just had hoped that bf'ing wouldn't end this way! :(
The babes are 4+ months old and they are still on EBM! Which is great... but long gone are the days when I could say our actual breastfeeding days are numbered, I already feel like it is over (and now while finishing this post 10 days later... they are OVER)! And I just want to cry!
I know I have been fortunate enough to not have supply issues (till now) and have been able to provide for them. But I just feel like a failure when it comes to bf'ing. Taking care of twins is not easy, though I have been lucky to have some help at home... my parents helped us for the first 2.5 months... and then the in-laws "helped"... I might sound like a bitch and very ungrateful, but the later part of the help was more mentally stressful! With the "stress", the time I got to put the babes to my bo.obs was very less, and of course the babies lost their capability to suckle very well (I don't think they had latching issues later on)! Plus the reflux didn't help, my let down is very "heavy" (probably because of power pumping due to lack of time) and the babies at time would have to be burped even 2-3 time in 5 minutes when bf'ing. So... it is over, it is over for good... I will never ever experience babies sucking on my bo.obs... ever! And that just makes me so sad and bitter. Had it been in my control or had the babies decided they were done with it, I wouldn't have felt as bad. But, this was not my decision, nor the babies... and I am mad at the situation. May be I am just a slacker and am finding excuses... and am just blabbering! I just had hoped that bf'ing wouldn't end this way! :(
Sorry to read that the bfing is over, not sure why it has ended and I'm sorry to read.
ReplyDeleteI too am a mother to twins who are 3 months old and we had zero help so far as our relatives live far away and I think it's much easier that way, I'm in control of the days and the routines. I have serious supply issues so our twins bf and then get bottles and it's been working well so far.
Sorry that you're feeling bad about it. As you know, BFing (or rather, pumping, most of the time) was a huge problem for me for the 6 1/2 months I did it. I was so completely committed and I held on for so long, and I was glad I did, but at the same time life got so much better once I stopped.
ReplyDeleteIn case it helps... My pediatrician said to me that every mother he sees seems to feel sad or guilty about the end of BFing, no matter when it occurs.
Many hugs to you. You did great! Don't beat yourself up **HUGS**
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you're so disappointed. Breastfeeding is such a commitment, and harder work than I think any new mom realizes it will be. Like Flower said, you really did do an amazing job, and you should be proud of that!
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