Got a go ahead from the RE for IUI cycle # 3. The last IUI cycle that our insurance covers. No cysts thus far, uterine lining is low and hormones are good. Will be starting with Follistim tonight! Yet another roller coaster ride. Will this be the one? Time will tell!
May 5, 2009
SS Rice Cooker - A Healthier Choice?
Lets say we are pretty regular on our rice consumption. Fortunately, we like brown rice and that's what we eat! I have always made my rice in the microwave, its quick and comes out perfect. However, in an attempt to get healthy, I decided to reduce my microwave consumption. One can find gazillion article on the web about how bad microwave can be for ones health. True or not, microwave is not the "natural" means of cooking food and hence I started looking for an alternate means - rice cooker. Now, unfortunately all the rice cookers available in the market have non-stick coating on them... which is again supposed to be bad for you health (and if not, at least un-natural - more so than steel as per what we humans have figured out thus far). So in my quest to find a rice cooker with a stainless steel container, I came across: Miracle ME81 (http://wize.com/rice-cookers-and-steamers/p58461-miracle-me81#t=64824). It can be found for the cheapest price at Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Stainless-Steel-Cooker-Model-Formerly/dp/B000PC3G7M). I am pleased with it!
May 4, 2009
Birthday Gift or Not?
So finally, I decided not to take the HPT! I was sick of wasting money on those pee-sticks which always turned BFN… I had to anyways pay the freakin $30 copay (which adds up to 100s in any active cycle months) at the RE’s for bw. I had started convincing myself that I am not so lucky, as to have the "best’est" ever birthday present of my life! I could not be declared pregnant a day before my birthday. How could I? I have never had it easy… I wasn’t meant to go through IF so that I could get a fancy birthday present! My idea was… if I was pregnant, then yes, it would be the most cherishable present I have ever given to myself… but if I wasn’t, I was not going to be very disappointed (with the mental prep). Also, it was going to be another year down the drain for my biological clock.
On the day of the bw, I waited and waited… and the nurse finally called at around 3:30 pm or so that afternoon… of course the news wasn’t good… I didn’t seem disappointed! Progesterone was 9 and HCG was less than 1. I also asked about my Estrogen level before my trigger (since I had forgotten to ask that), it was 216 (probably just 1 follicle). We started talking about the next step. I have 1 more IUI left on my insurance (exhausted 2) after which we would have to go on to an IVF. I have read stories where an IVF cycle gets converted into an IUI cycle due to poor response, and I was concerned that if we exhausted all our IUI’s, I wouldn’t have a backup (insurance paid) IUI cycle. My nurse mentioned that with my PCOS, it is highly unlikely that I wouldn’t have enough eggs for IVF… she wanted us to think about it and get back to her when I called her with my AF day 1. After I hung up, I called my husband and informed him about the not so great news! He wanted to make sure I was okay… which I guess I was… he said we would discuss this once we both got home.
Think and discuss was something I didn’t wanna do – my brain was fried! For the last freakin 9 months, I had refrained myself from consuming anything that is not really required by/for my body. I probably have had 1 beer, 1 small wine, no coffee, no tea and may be a little bit of sprite in the last 9 months! I was ready to get sloshed tonight!!! If being nice for 9 months didn’t help, getting drunk 1 night was not going to make things worse. We opened my favorite wine – it’s from a small winery (Messinahof) in Texas, but I think they have the best Port wine (
My AF has arrived and I will be going in for my day 3 check up tomorrow. Not sure if this will be an active cycle or if I am going to have cyst issues like last time. I didn’t feel over-stimulated this time, though who knows what my ovaries have to say?!
I do realize this is just the beginning, and even if I get pregnant, carrying a healthy baby to full term is another challenge! And I hope I can ultimately succeed.
Life goes on…
I haven’t really blogged about anything but the baby to be. This entry is probably different – its more about me – unfortunately bitching!
I broke down the other night! Something trivial happened and I could almost feel my nerves popping and I started crying! My husband tried to console me, and every word he spoke was just like a reality check! It was like, everything he said was something I knew but just didn’t want to hear. The biggest blow was when he said, “I feel hurt too when friends and other folks tell me that they are pregnant!” My heart broke; he has born so much for and from me! And yet, there is not much I can do, I feel helpless! Somehow I cooled down after a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and hot fudge, and some sleep! We discussed about my breakdown the next day. He asked how he could help me help us… and all I could say was that we are doing all we can and I don’t expect him to do anything more - it is what it is ...and eventually I was back to my current normalcy(?)!
I have always dreamt of babies and today my dream is still a dream where as the world seems to have moved on. A few things that flashbacked at me when I heard the last pregnancy news…
-We moved into our house approximately 2 years ago and I had dreamt that soon we would have a cute little baby and our neighbor’s would coo over him/her! One of our neighbors now has a 4 month old adorable baby girl!
-We went to one of the local spring fest’s a few weekends ago… we had been there last year too with a pregnant friend of ours… and I had hoped I would go with a pregnant belly this year… that friends baby is now almost a year old!
-At a baby shower last summer, I won most of the games we played and everybody teased me that it’s a sign and I would probably be the next mommy in the group, and here I am typing away almost a years since then.
-One of my neighbors who I grew up with got married a year after us, and I was surprised that I hadn’t heard that she was pregnant yet (since the whole world seems to be popping kids), and the day of my IUI, my father had to tell me that she was 4 months pregnant with twins!
-One of the non-IF blogs I follow, the female has a 3 year old son, they decided to take an EU trip last fall before they could start planning for a sibling for their son, and now she is already pregnant - with twins!
Even before we started riding the IF highway, we have always tried to keep ourselves busy over the weekends, either with small house projects or entertaining friends at home or going out somewhere. Weeks just fly by, and it helps to not have free time on weekends to build demons in my head. Last to last weekend we had two families over for dinner. Both the ladies have babies (who are two months apart), and they couldn’t stop discussing their infants… I guess I am going to have to be smart enough to not bring “mother” friends home! Though what do I do if/when everybody I know is almost into their motherhood?
I sound like a mean old b#$%* who can’t stop whining! I am not jealous (as yet), but I can’t fathom the idea that it’s so easy for some… the suspense in my life kills me!
The IF ride is so over powering, that I have realized that I am willing to let go of a lot of hang ups and insecurities I have had before. I am (more) willing to accept that time changes everything; things and relations don’t remain the same. No relation is indispensable, yet cherishable! Every person has the right to be irrational, insensitive and stupid… and I should not be getting hurt! Life is too short and anything could happen to anybody at any time.
I debated if I should have taken the HPT before I went to the RE’s office for bw (during the 2ww). I knew the HPT’s could be wrong or could possibly not detect the hormones in the blood… but, I was trying to figure out if I should give myself a relatively sober birthday (if it’s a BFN) by knowing in advance or wait for the bw a day before my birthday! I have had all new symptoms this time (pregnancy?), though it could be the progesterone suppositories I was taking! As optimistic as I wanted to be, I am already sick of getting hurt and betrayed. This wait is annoying!
April 30, 2009
How safe are you cosmetics and personal care products!?!
Skin Deep is a safety guide to cosmetics and personal care products brought to you by researchers at the Environmental Working Group.
Skin Deep pairs ingredients in more than 42,000 products against 50 definitive toxicity and regulatory databases, making it the largest integrated data resource of its kind. Why did a small nonprofit take on such a big project? Because the FDA doesn't require companies to test their own products for safety.
With all the attempts to eat and ingest healthy... thought this would be a very helpful link for not only women trying to get pregnant, but for everybody!
April 22, 2009
Ovulation Moment Caught on Camera - BBC News
A human egg has been filmed in close-up emerging from the ovary for the first time, captured by chance during a hysterectomy.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7447942.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7447942.stm
Weight Gain/Loss during IUI Cycles
I had gained almost 4-5 lbs during IUI # 1. I was afraid that I was going to be like 100 lbs heavier by the time I finished all my cycles/got pregnant. But to my surprise, I lost that gained weight and I lost additional 4 lbs during the rest cycle (total -8 lbs). I looked slimmer too! :) May be it’s the medication (Follistim, Ovidrel), may be it’s my insulin/sugar in control (due to Metformin), may be it’s the Acupuncture… or may be its just me! :)
With IUI # 2, I was afraid that I was going to gain weight again… though till now, I might have gained 2-3 lbs… in spite of me getting hungry every now and then and hogging so much! Though, I do feel heavier and bloated. Only time will tell the final outcome!
IUI – Cycle # 2
…And so, day 35 came (of the break cycle) and I decided to go to the RE’s office and get my bw & us done to see what’s going on! Guess what, just like January end/February beginning, my lining was thin and hormones were low enough for it to be considered day 3 (without AF). So here we go… IUI # 2! I was still afraid that my cyst would pop up again and we would have to cancel the cycle. I wasn’t at peace till my day 7 us (which is when they found the big cyst during the previous cancelled cycle). Day 7 arrived and things looked okay. In fact, one of my follicles had already started growing in my right ovary (by day 7 us) and was 12 mm and estrogen was 63 units. That was a quickie as compared to the first IUI cycle! It had taken me almost over 8 days to respond last time. During this cycle, I took 75 IU Follistim for 8 days followed by 150 IU for the next 2 days. I triggered on day 13 (of the so called non AF cycle) using Ovidrel. The “big follicle” kept growing up to 18 mm before I triggered. Only 2 more follicles in my right ovary were around 12 mm before I triggered (none >10 mm in left ovary). I forgot to ask about estrogen on the day of the trigger. I know things can be very different every cycle, but I still asked my RE as to why I had such less follicles… he mentioned that this is normally what they expect (& not the "n" number follicles I had last time). I was ready to deal with all the side effect of Ovidrel (with last IUI cycle experience). But fortunately (?) things were much better this time. Slight tiredness, slight cramping and the rest was smooth sailing. I had mentioned to my nurse about my OHSS like symptoms from last time and had asked if I could take an Ovidrel alternative for my progesterone boost if required. I was told that I could take Prometrium (http://www.drugs.com/pdr/prometrium.html) vaginally if the progesterone was not as per the standard requirement (of 9 units or higher).
IUI (insemination 1 & 2) went well. Sperm count was great and it looked like I had one healthy egg (for sure)! With the (minor?) aches and pains that keep coming with all the medication, I wasn’t very successful in telling if I had ovulated (couldn’t identify ovulation symptoms). 5 Days past first insemination, I went in for my progesterone check… level was 6 units (just like IUI # 1). I was prescribed Prometrium vaginally 4 times a day till my next bw (pregnancy test). So, currently I am at the 2WW!
This progesterone suppositories– Prometrium is supposed to help with implantation (progesterone > 9 units for implantation). It’s very easy! Just that it can be messy. Progesterone from the pill is supposed to be absorbed by the vagina/uterus, though some of the ingredients leak out. (Sorry, if it’s TMI!) A panty liner is a must.
I am hopeful, yet even more cautious this time. I am trying hard to not look up every symptom online… trying harder to not look at online (baby) shopping websites… and trying even harder to not be disappointed, frustrated and bitchy! My ovaries have not cramped much this time, though I have felt some twinges once in a while around my uterine area. I feel a little something in my chest/throat… may be heart burn… I am too scared to call it nausea. My inner thigh (mainly right) feels strained. I am hungry a lot and get tired very easily. Approx 7 days past ovulation (DPO), my cervix is soft & low, and my body feels warm. I think my brain is on an overdrive... it’s probably all the medication! May be the next time I will learn to ignore these new symptoms as well (though I truly hope that this is the lucky cycle)!
My Acupuncture routine is the same as IUI cycle # 1. Twice a week while on Follistim; followed by day before and of the insemination; and once a week during 2ww.
My Pomegranates (& Garnets)
I had heard about the Pomegranate charms for fertility and was looking at buying one. I came across a few charms (Link: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21692888, http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_14&listing_id=19606377&ga_search_query=pomegranate+fertility&ga_search_type=tag_title&ga_page=&min=&max=&order= ).
I thought I would look around a little bit more before I decided on buying one. I was going to be very busy this (particular) weekend since I was having a (undergrad friends) reunion. I was really looking forward to it! My friends were flying in from all over the country and we were supposed to meet up for dinner before the weekend long party started. After relishing some great food at a Thai restaurant, my Greek friend gifted me a box… I skipped a heart beat when I opened the box. The souvenir had two pomegranates on it and she mentioned that it is a symbol of fertility and prosperity in Cyprus (her home country)! She had no idea that I am going through fertility treatment (till then) and I had been looking for a charm! I couldn’t thank her enough… for how much this meant to me. I mentioned to her about my treatment… she has PCOS too! I loved to admire the pomegranates before I took my shot that night! Is this a sign that there will be a miracle?
Eventually, I actually went to the mall (with my hub) and bought a garnet ring (my birthday present ;)). Garnet is supposed to help with and is a sign of fertility (http://www.articlesbase.com/women's-issues-articles/fertility-gems-and-stones-for-valentines-day-gift-giving-98245.html). Whether these charms help or not, whether I get pregnant or not, this truly is a life changing experience and I am hoping to cherish these charms for years to come.
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